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The Tragic Story of Little Pablo - An NPR Parody

As told by an NPR correspondent who sounds like Christiane Amanpour with a bad British accent...

By The Neville Awards
Posted 9/5/06

Every day for the last 5 years Maria Aguilar and her son, little Pablo, have walked 100 yards to the mighty Cohiba River to draw their daily supply of water.

But all of that changed last year when a bloody U.S. backed coup overthrew the popularly elected Populara Leftwinginista Front El Presidente Ramon Leftwinginista who always received 100% of the vote, because he wanted to nationalize the countrys' thriving coca and poppy industries.

Maria speaking in Spanish along with voiceover translation by an NPR correspondent who sounds like Christiane Amanpour with a bad British accent...

"Under La Populara Leftwinginista Front the government forced us to sell our coca and poppy plants to them for a pittance. They would then keep all the money from drug sales and give us nothing. La Revolucion Rightwinginista Populara promised us the same prices for our products and they would keep all the money too and give us nothing. But we felt better about them because it was La Revolucion Rightwinginista Populara. We know better now. Everything bad that happens in the world is the fault of Booosh, Cheney, Halliburten, Rumsfeld and the US Military and US Foriegn policy. Everything that is good comes from the La Populara Leftwinginista Front, Hezbollah, Hamas, Yassir Arafat, Bin Laden, The Sandinistas, Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez and all of the other peoples movements around the world fighting for the people."

Under La Revolucion Rightwinginista Populara the economy of Maria Aguilar's village successfully went from a poor, unsustainable system to a poor, completely unsustainable system.

The soldiers of the new U.S. backed puppet regime, using CIA supplied bulldozers and backhoes have diverted the waters of the mighty Cohiba River to the presidential palace swimming pool so the U.S. backed puppet El Presidente Juan Rightwinginista can have a daily swim.

Now Maria Aguilar and her son, little Pablo, must walk 50 miles each day through dangerous U.S. supplied mine fields and under constant small arms fire between left wing rebels using 50 year old single shot rifles and right wing government soldiers using U.S. supplied M-16 automatic rifles.

Maria speaking in Spanish along with voiceover translation by an NPR correspondent who sounds like Christiane Amanpour with a bad British accent...

"What little livestock we had during La Revolucion Rightwinginista Populara is now all gone. The cows used to feed in the fields that are now mined. When a cow would blow up the villagers would run into the fields to collect the meat for cooking. Some of the villagers were blown up too."

Maria Aguilar's son, little Pablo, has lost one limb and two fingers and Maria has lost an eye after getting caught in the cross fire. But they make the 50 mile trip every day nevertheless.

The LPLF or La Populara Leftwinginista Front has managed to reclaim some of the water diverted to El Presidente Juan Rightwinginista's swimming pool by using some rusty teaspoons to dig a one foot deep trench which empties into a shallow mosquito infested tidepool where malaria infected water must be drawn. Some of the villagers have also contracted West Nile Virus.

Pablo speaking in Spanish along with voiceover translation by an NPR correspondent who sounds like Christiane Amanpour with a bad British accent...

"I blame the US for the West Nile Virus because there is no cure and they brought the mosquitos here to make us sick and helpless. They also invented AIDS. When I am big I will go to Palestine where I can receive terrorist training from Palestinian Jimmy. I will come back and martyr myself, my people, and kill the US-backed soldiers who oppress us."

No one knows how long Maria and her son, little Pablo, will have to endure the unbearable conditions created by the U.S. backed puppet government headed by the right wing puppet Juan Rightwinginista. One thing is clear however. West Nile Virus and AIDS is the fault of George Bush and the United States. It is a Republican plot to keep the poor people of the world oppressed.