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I wish I were a liberal

The House Democrats didn't impeach Bush so we took down the impeachment quiz...too bad...we would have loved to have watched that circular firing squad. Instead we are granting the liberals equal time on this site.

Liberals always complain that they just can't get their message out because Big Media is slanted to the right. How they reached that conclusion is obvious: The New York Times, Washington Post and LA Times, CBS, NBC, and ABC are all conservative outlets and Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson and Brian Williams are in the tank for the Republicans. And there was a secret plot to destroy Air America. And 9/11 was an inside job.

The Heritage Foundation has determined that if Democrats are sucessful in re-imposing some version of the Fairness Doctrine, it will apply not only to talk radio but to websites and blogs. If only it would apply to the three networks...

Does anyone really believe that MoveOn, Huffington Post and Kos will allow an opposite point of view. And should they? Of course not. They are liberal/socialist bordering on radical Communist websites. We love them just as they are. The Democrats grovel at their feet.

However, we at The Neville Awards are always ahead of the curve and on the cutting edge...we are all about giving the libs what they want...fairness, balance and, above all, a lonely voice crying out in the wilderness against the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. Because, as you know, the dinosaur media is dangerously conservative. And nobody ever goes to MoveOn, Huffington Post and Kos.

This is an evolving page...(now that it is Party Policy we've added a few Michelle/Barack mantras...see if you can find them!) we will be adding more Dem mantras and shibboleths (they have a lot of mantras and shibboleths) as we come across them.

And now, the upbeat positive feel-good Liberal/Progressive/Democrat point of view:

  1. America's best days are behind her.
  2. Democrats Good---Republicans Evil
  3. George Bush is a Moron.
  4. John McCain is a Moron.
  5. Republicans are Morons.
  6. Conservatives are Morons.
  7. John McCain is Bush's third term.
  8. Sarah Palin is inexperienced (and a small town moron).
  9. Bush stole the election...twice.
  10. Conservatives are evil.
  11. George Bush is evil.
  12. Dick Cheney is evil.
  13. Big Oil is evil.
  14. Big Oil profits are obscene.
  15. Big Pharma is evil.
  16. Big Pharma profits are obscene.
  17. Big Tobacco is evil.
  18. Big Tobacco profits are obscene.
  19. Big Business is evil.
  20. Big Business profits are obscene.
  21. Tax big business profits.
  22. Tax the rich.
  23. No tax breaks for the rich.
  24. You can't balance the budget on the backs of the poor by giving tax breaks to the rich.
  25. No tax cuts for the rich.
  26. We can tax our way to prosperity.
  27. Raise the minimum wage every year.
  28. We are for income redistribution.
  29. Increase the capital gains tax.
  30. Impose a windfall profits tax on Big Oil.
  31. This is the worst economy since The Great Depression.
  32. We are for the little guy.
  33. They stole the election from us.
  34. They stole the Southwest from us.
  35. They stole the whole country from us.
  36. I didn't cross the border...the border crossed me.
  37. "We clean your Toilets!!"
  38. "There are no illegals here!!"
  39. Today we march...tomorrow we vote.
  40. Building a border fence is a racist policy.
  41. The border fence is like the Berlin Wall.
  42. We need comprehensive immigration reform.
  43. Sanctuary city policies allow undocumented immigrants to come forward without fear.
  44. Comprehensive immigration reform will bring undocumented workers out of the shadows.
  45. Ronald Reagan didn't win the Cold War...the Soviet Union would have collapsed anyway.
  46. Republicans are racist fascist knuckledragging nazis.
  47. The New York Times, Washington Post and LA Times are fair, balanced and centrist publications.
  48. CBS, NBC, and ABC are fair and balanced.
  49. Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson and Brian Williams are objective reporters.
  50. Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews are doing a great job.
  51. NBC and MSNBC are doing a great job and are ratings powerhouses.
  52. Chris Matthews really does play really.
  53. I'm not a liberal, I'm a progressive.
  54. I'm a centrist.
  55. News reporters can maintain their objectivity.
  56. Dennis Kucinich, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi are political geniuses.
  57. Bush Lied People Died.
  58. Support the Troops...Bring them home.
  59. I support the troops, not the mission.
  60. The money we are spending overseas could be spent improving our schools.
  61. The Surge didn't work.
  62. Our occupation of Iraq is creating more terrorists.
  63. We need a timeline for troop withdrawal from Iraq.
  64. Iraq is a disaster.
  65. Afghanistan is turning into a disaster.
  66. "I voted for the 87 million before I voted against it."
  67. There is no war on Terror...The Neocons made it up to scare us.
  68. The Patriot Act turned this country into a police state.
  69. 9/11 was our fault.
  70. It was our fault Russia invaded Georgia...they were provoked by Cheney.
  71. Our support of Israel breeds terrorism.
  72. We need balance and even-handedness to our support of Israel and the Palestinians.
  73. Terrorism is a law enforcement issue.
  74. Terrorists are entitled to the Geneva convention protections.
  75. Shut down Gitmo. We are torturing terrorists.
  76. Terrorists should be tried in open criminal courts with court appointed attorneys at taxpayers' expense.
  77. We must learn the root causes of terrorism and try to help these people.
  78. We must learn the root causes of crime in our inner cities and try to help these people.
  79. Universal Health Care for everybody.
  80. A college education for everybody.
  81. No blood for oil.
  82. No drilling for oil...we can't drill our way out of this mess.
  83. I'm trying to save the planet!....I'm trying to save the planet!.
  84. No nukes, no nuclear energy.
  85. Unilateral nuclear disarmament.
  86. Use renewable energy resources only.
  87. Develop wind and solar power only.
  88. We've got to break our addiction to oil!!
  89. Save the whales and the polar bears.
  90. Save the snaildarter.
  91. The debate on Global Warming is over.
  92. Global Warming is a choice, it's not inevitable
  93. Go Green -- save the planet.
  94. Don't eat meat.
  95. "We are the ones we've been waiting for."
  96. "America is not what it once was and what it could be"...???
  97. "America has a hole in it's soul."
  98. "They keep moving the bar."
  99. "For the first time I am proud of my country."
  100. Change...Hope
  101. Hope...Change
  102. Change you can believe in.
  103. We demand social justice.
  104. We demand a level playing field and equality of outcome.
  105. I am a citizen of the world.
  106. We should be more like Europe.
  107. Conservative Christians want to impose their agenda on you.
  108. No Christmas displays on public property.
  109. The Christmas Holiday is now 'Winter Break'.
  110. The ACLU is not a Communist front.
  111. Code Pink and A.N.S.W.E.R are not Communist fronts.
  112. is not a George Soros funded operation.
  113. George Soros has America's best interests at heart.
  114. Trial lawyers look out for your interests and they are on your side.
  115. The Teachers' Union looks out for your kids and is on your side.
  116. School vouchers will destroy the public school system.
  117. We support the right to privacy and a women's right to choose.
  118. Che is my hero.
  119. Castro is my hero.
  120. Mao,Ho,Stalin,Gorbachev were my heroes.
  121. Ban guns!
  122. Ban Smoking!
  123. Ban Transfats!
  124. Ban Incandescent Light Bulbs!
  125. Ban the Internal Combustion Engine!
  126. Ban conservative talk radio and Fox News.
  127. I hate conservative talk radio.
  128. Conservative talk radio is fascist and racist.
  129. I hate Fox News.
  130. Fox News is fascist and racist.
  131. I hate Rush Limbaugh.
  132. Rush Limbaugh is a fascist and a racist.
  133. I hate Sean Hannity.
  134. Sean Hannity is a fascist and a racist.
  135. I hate Bill O'Reilly.
  136. Bill O'Reilly is a fascist and a racist.
  137. We are the party of tolerance and free speech.
  138. Re-impose the Fairness Doctrine.
  139. Impose gay marriage by court decisions, not by the vote.
  140. Grades don't matter -- teach tolerance and self-esteem.
  141. Do not stress competition in school.
  142. Celebrate diversity and multiculturalism.
  143. All cultures are equally valuable and valid.
  144. Little boys are bad, little girls are good.
  145. Men are pigs, women are noble.
  146. Teach victimology for minorities.
  147. Blacks need reparations for slavery.
  148. Women earn 70 cents for every dollor men earn.
  149. There aren't enough women taking science and math classes.
  150. Women can't crack the glass ceiling in business.
  151. Women are victims of discrimination.
  152. Blacks are victims of discrimination.
  153. Hispanics are victims of discrimination.
  154. Muslims are victims of discrimination.
  155. Gays are victims of discrimination.
  156. Racism is the biggest problem in America today.
  157. The Constitution is a living, breathing document.
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I wish I were a liberal
May 19, 2009
By Nancy Morgan

I wish I were a liberal, because then everyone would like me. My family would start talking to me again, and chances are, my ex-husband would want to renew the marriage vows he broke when I started spouting conservative opinions.

I'd like to be a liberal because it's ever so much easier to allow others to form my opinions for me instead of researching an issue myself. That always gets me in trouble, especially when the facts I discover diverge from the latest politically correct consensus.

The article continues below:

I'd like to be a liberal because then I'd be rewarded for all my shortcomings and nothing would ever be my fault. I'd be an important cog in the wheel of social justice, and a cherished warrior in the current fight for equality.

If I were a liberal, I would be free to have sex whenever and with whomever I want -- and be considered 'empowered' to boot. I could abort any inconvenience with nary a thought because my rights to my body trump the life I would have suctioned out of me.

I'd like to be a liberal because any guilt I would normally feel for what used to be considered deviant, irresponsible behavior may be assuaged by merely advocating the expenditure of other people's money on whatever the cause du jour is. Very cool. Especially since my stock portfolio has tanked.

I want to be a liberal because they care so much. They have a lock on all the fashionable emotions, like tolerance, diversity, equality and patriotism. And as long as my intentions were pure and I 'care', I wouldn't have to accept responsibility for any negative consequences that my actions might cause.

I'd like to be a liberal because everyone knows that conservatives are racist, homophobic, stupid and, well, beneath contempt. Conservatives are motivated by -- gasp -- profit, instead of being nice. Enough said.

It would be swell to be a liberal because I'd be able to redefine reality to my own specifications. I could turn failure into success, murder into choice, lies into 'misstatements', and theft into investment. I would automatically be considered wise, instead of opinionated. Best of all, I could make up the rules as I go along, change them in midstream and then demonize anyone who doesn't agree with me.

It's great to be a liberal because everyone knows they hold the moral high ground. They don't lie, cheat or steal. Oh, and they don't condone torture. The media says so, so it must be true.

Before I am able to join this community of man, however, there are a few ground rules:

I have to acknowledge that government is the best and only solution for any problems America has. Despite the fact that pretty much every government solution to date has been a disaster.

I must agree that America is bad and white Christian males are responsible for all that is wrong with the world. Further, I must agree that terrorists and third world dictators are either freedom fighters or misunderstood men of good would.

Oh, and I must acknowledge that dialogue is better than war. Even though decades of dialogue haven't worked, things are different, now that Obama is president. I must have faith. After all, the times, they are a changin'.

I'd, of course, be expected to not only condone, but happily embrace gay marriage and the long list of newly minted sexual behaviors, and swear to never mention the adverse health risks or the proven harm they do to traditional families.

I'd also have to quit judging people. (Except conservatives.) After all, liberals would allow me to do whatever I want, free from moral censure, and it's only fair I do the same for them.

I'd have to immediately quit smoking, in public at least. I'd be required to agree that global warming is real and man is the cause. Even though the earth has cooled in the last decade, everyone knows its still getting warmer. I'd also have to renounce Christianity in favor of Mother Earth and believe that the Constitution is a 'living instrument'.

I'd have to agree that victimhood trumps merit and that liberals know best. Always. And lastly, I'd have to support the notion that racism is still rampant, even if it is the silent 'institutional' type.

In return, I'll be accepted, popular, and invited to the best parties. I'll be eligible for the right to housing, health care, a living wage (even if I don't work) and happiness. And as long as I remain a liberal, no-one is allowed to insult me. How cool is that?

I'll finally get my columns published in my own hometown paper and would have a good chance of getting face time on MSNBC. Best of all, I'll be able to atone for my sins by merely paying Al Gore for a few carbon credits. Then, I would live happily ever after. Isn't that worth sacrificing such ethereal and frivolous notions like freedom, individualism and principles?

Nancy Morgan is a columnist and news editor for She lives in South Carolina

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